Understanding the difference between internal vs external validation will go a long way to helping you become the confident and authentic woman that you are. You will become more self-aware and comfortable with who you are including your strengths and weaknesses.
Internal validation comes in those moments where you know that you have done a good job or you look great in that dress and stilettos. You don’t need anyone to tell you how great you are because you know it. It’s that sense of internal pride and satisfaction or that moment when you look in the mirror and you love what you see.
On the other hand, external validation is the praise and affirmation of others. Those moments when you get compliments left right and center or when you are walking down the street and people do a double take when they see you.
The problem with external validation
Let’s dissect the question: Internal vs external validation, which one is better?
External validation in itself is not negative. What makes it inferior is when your confidence and self-esteem hinges on the amount of affirmation you get from others. When we need other people to make us feel good, we have handed over control to them. Suddenly, we are powerless and subject to the approval of the people around us. This adds to our stress and pressure. Instead of living the life we want to live, we find ourselves living a life constantly trying to please a whole group of people who for the most part are probably too wrapped up in their own worlds to care or are difficult to please. The result? Your confidence never gets a lasting boost and people perceive you as high maintenance or needy.
The value of internal validation
Although we are created to be in relationships and be molded or shaped by those relationships, our self-esteem, confidence, value and overall happiness should run independently from them. Internal validation allows you to be your best friend and biggest fan. No, this is not pride or arrogance. It’s confidence. It unlocks a well of happiness and confidence where you are your constant source of positivity and compliments.
Thanks to the neuroplasticity in our brains, we can restructure how we think about ourselves. We can take back the power of our happiness by taking a long look at ourselves. We become comfortable in our own company and skin.
The superiority of internal validation comes in the unshakable conviction that you value yourself and see yourself for who you are. No one can take that away from you. It becomes your truth and your default. At the end of the day, you know with a certainty that you gave life your best shot today (or not). Other people’s approval and opinions become less important.
Now you are able to open your heart to others, life, and the world with confidence. You can embrace the fullness of life because you know who you are. You are no longer bound by obstructions or the illusion that you need others to love you or like you. It doesn’t matter because you like yourself (honestly, you have to live with yourself not everyone else).
The answer to the question which is superior internal vs external validation is clearer – internal validation is a key to a confident you.
What makes you feel good about yourself?
What do you like about yourself?
Not quite sure about yourself? You may want to join "I am Fierce" Workshop